Tonight I’m thinking about grief. It’s a terribly difficult, yet necessary thing that we ALL go through at different times in our lives. Grief has no schedule…it doesn’t have an arrival date or check out time. It is inevitable for each of us. My experience is that it seems to settle in around middle age as we begin losing family members, marriages and our children grow up and leave home. Have you felt it knocking on your door? The death of a loved one, the quiet stillness of the empty nest, or the sick feeling when your divorce papers are final – all causes of intense grief.
I’ve been doing some grieving of my own this week. It’s been difficult. My ex-husband was remarried last Saturday. My daughters are visiting him and I received a text message from my eldest that Saturday was indeed the day. I don’t want a relationship with him anymore, but I found myself feeling rather numb about it. After all, he’s still the man that I was married to for 18 years – and most of those were really good. We had fun together – we built a life, we had a family. He knew me like no one else has ever known me…and now he has that with someone else. My numbness turned to tears - and I’m grieving. I wrote this poem on Sunday as I was trying to come to terms with it all.
I am overcome
And as another wave
Assaults my soul
I am swept away
Pushed back and forth by its strength
I lose footing as it shifts
And swirls around my heart
and I am tested
This cycle of grief
Pounding against me
Just as I steady myself
I see another wave forming and
Barely have time to brace myself
Before it crashes into me
How long must I stand in this cycle
And when will it simply be over
Grief hits us all at various times and it can potentially be devastating, but there is really no avoiding it. I realize that I am no different than anyone else. I have grown to love Psalm 34:17-18 during the sad moments though. It says, “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (italics mine) He knows my heart, my sadness and pain…and He grieves with me.