Friday, July 24, 2009

A Good Week

Tonight I feel very full. Yes I did have a big steak dinner courtesy of a good friend and her husband, but I actually am feeling emotionally full. Completely satisfied. I am on vacation this week and it was one of those vacations where it could be very good, or very bad, it had the potential to go either way. It has gone well. It was time for me to revisit the past a bit. I came back to visit St. Louis - the town I still consider my home. I didn’t grow up here, but I lived here for 14 years and it became home to me. My family moved away because my husband at the time was transferred and so off we went ready to conquer a new part of the country. Since I moved 8 years ago, life has taken a few twists and turns that I wasn’t expecting, and now I live in a Southern town because it’s where my life is…but a large part of my heart is still in St. Louis. I came back this week – without my children - wanting to spend time with some old friends I hadn’t seen in a while, and release some old memories and feelings. I came to say farewell. I’ll be back, probably in a few months to visit, but this week it was about saying goodbye.
  • Goodbye to worrying about what others think about my life situation. It is what it is. I am a woman doing the best I can to love God and other people and be a good parent.
  • Goodbye to the shame over being divorced. I’ve learned that God is bigger than all the ways I have felt shame and judgment. I’ve discovered that most of my friends didn’t think any less of me, I just feared they did.
  • Goodbye to letting other people’s feelings toward me dictate choices that I make. I need to do what I feel is best and live honestly. They can deal with their own stuff.
  • Goodbye to wanting to move back to St. Louis. My life isn’t here, people I love dearly are here and a host of wonderful memories, but my life isn’t here anymore. If God shows me differently, then ok, but for now I need to focus my heart on where I live.

I’ve been able to have several deep and meaningful conversations this week that have allowed me to come to some of these conclusions. It is why I feel full tonight. I have come full circle in many ways. I still have some things to figure out, but for now I feel strangely peaceful...I think I’ll go to bed and sleep.


  1. Wow. How rewarding! It was fulfiling to me to read what you've learned. Can't wait till you get home.

  2. Amazing thoughts. I know it has taken much time, effort and leaning on our Maker to come to say those goodbyes. With those goodbys's I'm sure will come many more hello's.