Anorexia is a terrible disease that is characterized by a distorted view of oneself. An anorexic looks in the mirror and sees someone overweight or unacceptable and the rest of us looking at that same person see an individual who is starving themselves to death, completely stunned at their inability to see what they really look like. The real cure for this disease isn’t physical, it’s psychological – a complete change in the way your view yourself. I’m certainly no expert on anorexia, but it seems that the real battle would be figuring out what causes you to have such a distorted view.
I don’t know if you ever struggle with your self esteem at all; I’d like to say that I don’t, but it would be a lie. Insecurity is something that I battle constantly – I think it’s safe to call it a daily struggle. When I look in a mirror or even introspectively, I do not see what everyone else sees, but a faint vision of what is true. There is a parallel here with being anorexic and how I have learned to erroneously view myself. I’ve been searching within to figure out where my distorted self view comes from and I am definitely making progress. This verse is one of many helping me to reform my thinking:
Psalm 139: 13-16
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Here is the amazing news: God created me exactly how I am. He gave my personality its tendencies, he knew I’d be this height and weight and the color of my eyes. He knit me together it says…there was thought given to my life in every way. Not only did he know my date of birth but he knows the exact day and hour of my final breath.
I recently took a personality profile. It was enlightening and actually pretty entertaining to read the answers it provided. It pegged me pretty well. As I studied the results I considered the fact that God himself chose my attributes. I don’t know why he gave me certain characteristics. Who knows why an artist chooses the coloring and emotion that go into each piece of art he creates – only the artist himself knows what he is creating. I can spend time lamenting over my lack of perceived beauty, intelligence or talent, but God my Father has fashioned me uniquely for the purpose of bringing him glory with these specific characteristics. My “job”, so to speak, is to do the best I can with the talents and attributes that he chose to give me. Perhaps when I am in heaven I will finally understand why he created me with my physical and emotional make up the way it is. While I’m here though, I long to see myself as God sees me and set about using who I am for His glory.