Thursday, September 3, 2009

If Jesus Were Me

It’s a dreary, rainy day so I’ve been relegated to my bedroom and off of my porch. The weather is really a blessing in disguise since I planned to do some badly needed yard work today but the rain has forced me inside. I’ve been going nonstop for awhile now and badly need this chance to relax and do some regrouping.

For the most part I have adjusted to being a single parent. I miss many things about being married, but overall I have a full and happy life and I don’t spend much time wishing my old life back. Wishing doesn’t change anything and it’s more helpful for me to remain in the present. This has been a tough week though. I have been overwhelmingly busy both at work and at home and have felt my patience and self control slipping more and more each day as my exhaustion increased. I want someone to hold me and tell me that I don’t have to do it all… but the reality is that I do have to do it all. My children need clean clothes to wear, food to eat and a clean place to call home as well as someone to give them a hug at the end of their day and make sure they are doing well emotionally, physically and spiritually. And so, I find myself on auto pilot half the time, drinking whatever caffeinated beverage I can get my hands on simply to remain somewhat functional. Last week in the midst of the madness, I read this during one of my morning devotionals:

What if for one day, Jesus were to become you?

It was the first sentence and it really caught my attention. In fact, I read the same chapter two days in a row. I can’t seem to decide…what if Jesus were me? I wonder how he would handle the daily situations that I find myself in. It’s more than wondering WWJD (What Would Jesus Do), the slogan that you see on bracelets and t-shirts alike. I am curious as to what he would do, but it goes deeper. I think God wants more from me than redirecting my actions all day long to align with some slogan. He wants me – my heart, soul, mind and strength to become like his. I want his heart – I long to handle things like Jesus did. I know there were MANY times that he was exhausted and pushed to his emotional limit. I wish so badly that I could see him in action and know how he did it – how he kept pushing himself when he was tired and weary - and yet perfect. Maybe sometimes he just put one foot in front of the other and kept moving. I’m sure that he was able to draw more strength from his intimacy with God than I have been able to.

So here it is, Sunday afternoon, and I’m facing a week that looks not quite as busy as last week, but definitely busier than what I enjoy. My prayer this week is to overcome, not to be overcome. I can’t do that on my own, so I will have to rely on God more and experience more intimacy with him and perhaps in a quiet moment he’ll comfort my heart and tell me I don’t have to do it all. That’s all I know to do.

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