Last week in my personal bible study time, I read about obedience and forgiveness. It was good, and obviously, there is always room to learn about both of those potentially weighty topics. I felt my heart drawn to the passages on obedience more so than that of forgiveness. It’s funny the difference a week can make.
I’ve been exchanging emails with someone who is a struggle for me. It’s not a daily struggle, but things come up and I am hit with a situation or two and it brings back feelings that I know are not good. Overall, I’ve just decided to live my life and let God deal with injustice and the wrongs I may have suffered, but there are times when I am tested. And it doesn’t even take much – a simple comment, email or conversation from them and I find my heart racing, anger rises and that feeling that I have somehow been marginalized once again.
Today I was confronted with my choice to forgive or be bitter. Initially I wanted to be bitter, I really did. I was so angered by an email that really wasn’t that bad, but with tears welling up in my eyes I felt myself battling not just irritation but a deep resentment. I sat there and prayed, talked it through with a friend or two and then came home and sat down to pour over scriptures hoping they would speak to my heart. I know one thing for certain; I do not want to be full of hatred. Sin will lead to my destruction and there is no reward in a heart full of anger or bitterness. That has been a belief I’ve repeated over and over to myself and I’ve continued to cling to it. I’m not where I need to be yet, but these are the scriptures that are helping me today:
Hebrews 12:14
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.
Mark 11:25
25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."[a]
Psalm 9
1 [a]I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders.
2 I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
3 My enemies turn back;
they stumble and perish before you.
4 For you have upheld my right and my cause;
you have sat on your throne, judging righteously.
Read this great quote by Carole E. Smith of the Atlanta Counseling Center:
“We cannot know God fully until we know who we are and what has formed us. We do not go to God despite the sin perpetrated upon us. We go to God because of it, and we must take it to God held in both hands, known by heart and seen with both eyes. That is when we can hand it over. That is when we can forgive our abusers.”
Forgiveness is a process – one decision after another to be righteous. For me, today’s decision is for forgiveness and trust that my Father is my best, holy and only true advocate. He expects and desires me to give this heartache over to him. As he has forgiven me, I have to make that same decision to be gracious at times. And so tonight….a long walk, a heart lifted in prayer and a willingness to stay out there until I can be at peace with it all.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Overcoming Fear
I was thinking about fear this morning. I struggle with it – I’m guessing everyone does at some level. One of my biggest fears is the fear of rejection. It is a large part of my emotional make-up. I tend to enter into a relationship with the knowledge that I may very well be rejected. I know it sounds somewhat desperate, and yet it is the core of who I am. It’s one of the things that I am laying before God – hopeful to change. Given that it is one of my prevalent fears, and that I was discarded by the closest, most intimate relationship I ever had, you can see how this would potentially haunt me.
I’ve discovered, too that there are different levels of fear and overcoming it. I have learned to trust God in the big areas, because clearly he has rescued me and cared for me in ways I never even dreamed he would. It has given me faith and built my trust. Yet what I’m seeing is that even in the smaller areas, I am still apprehensive –careful not to put myself into a position where I could be rejected or demeaned in any way. I guess this is part of my journey of walking with the Lord; learning the lesson and then having it reinforced over and over in smaller ways. I am determined to learn this and experience God’s power in my life in every way possible.
I watched a friend overcome a big fear recently. And while we laughed about it afterward, I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it. My friend and I had the opportunity to go zip-lining – something I have done before and loved – and something that she had wanted to try. Knowing she had a fear of heights, I wondered how she was going to do with the launch on the very high platform. I went first and when I got to the top and saw her climbing the rope ladder I knew she was terrified. Fear was in her eyes, her body language and clearly this was out of her comfort zone. But she did it anyway; partly because once she had started up, she felt that she couldn’t go back down – the quickest way out of the situation was to plough through it. But regardless of her reasoning, she met her fear, pushed herself and conquered it.
I think of Mary. I know she overcame many fears in her life. Initially, a young woman full of trepidation – she was giving birth to God’s son, and all the implications that came along with God’s decision to use her in the ways that he did. She clearly overcame those initial doubts as she surrendered to God’s will.
Luke 1:37-38 “37For nothing is impossible with God." 38"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."
Throughout her son’s life I’m sure that she had situations where she was confronted with the decision to be faithful or fearful. When Jesus was lost on their trip returning from Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover it says in Luke 2 that Mary and Joseph were anxiously searching for him – they were fearful. Also, at a later point, it says that she and her other sons were trying to pull Jesus away from the crowds. My guess is that this action was motivated by some sort of fear. I feel a connection with Mary knowing that while overall she was very faithful, even after that decision to trust the Lord in her overwhelmingly stressful situation, she still faltered throughout her life.
I’m going to continue to trust God is the big areas that I am uncertain about, but also in the smaller areas that cause me to occasionally react irrationally. And when I falter, I’ll think of Mary or various friends around me who have overcome big and small fears in their lives. I’m in good company.
I’ve discovered, too that there are different levels of fear and overcoming it. I have learned to trust God in the big areas, because clearly he has rescued me and cared for me in ways I never even dreamed he would. It has given me faith and built my trust. Yet what I’m seeing is that even in the smaller areas, I am still apprehensive –careful not to put myself into a position where I could be rejected or demeaned in any way. I guess this is part of my journey of walking with the Lord; learning the lesson and then having it reinforced over and over in smaller ways. I am determined to learn this and experience God’s power in my life in every way possible.
I watched a friend overcome a big fear recently. And while we laughed about it afterward, I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it. My friend and I had the opportunity to go zip-lining – something I have done before and loved – and something that she had wanted to try. Knowing she had a fear of heights, I wondered how she was going to do with the launch on the very high platform. I went first and when I got to the top and saw her climbing the rope ladder I knew she was terrified. Fear was in her eyes, her body language and clearly this was out of her comfort zone. But she did it anyway; partly because once she had started up, she felt that she couldn’t go back down – the quickest way out of the situation was to plough through it. But regardless of her reasoning, she met her fear, pushed herself and conquered it.
I think of Mary. I know she overcame many fears in her life. Initially, a young woman full of trepidation – she was giving birth to God’s son, and all the implications that came along with God’s decision to use her in the ways that he did. She clearly overcame those initial doubts as she surrendered to God’s will.
Luke 1:37-38 “37For nothing is impossible with God." 38"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."
Throughout her son’s life I’m sure that she had situations where she was confronted with the decision to be faithful or fearful. When Jesus was lost on their trip returning from Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover it says in Luke 2 that Mary and Joseph were anxiously searching for him – they were fearful. Also, at a later point, it says that she and her other sons were trying to pull Jesus away from the crowds. My guess is that this action was motivated by some sort of fear. I feel a connection with Mary knowing that while overall she was very faithful, even after that decision to trust the Lord in her overwhelmingly stressful situation, she still faltered throughout her life.
I’m going to continue to trust God is the big areas that I am uncertain about, but also in the smaller areas that cause me to occasionally react irrationally. And when I falter, I’ll think of Mary or various friends around me who have overcome big and small fears in their lives. I’m in good company.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Moving From Belief To Faith
For some time now I’ve been studying a very good book called “Live A Praying Life” by Jennifer Kennedy Dean. This week the study is focusing on faith and exactly where it comes from and how you get it. The author made a statement that is really germinating in my heart right now, it is:
“Faith can only come through a direct, firsthand encounter with Jesus. Belief can come through secondhand information, but belief is not faith.”
I’ve been sitting here dwelling on this statement and applying it to my life to see if it rings true, and it does for me. I had what I would label very strong beliefs for many, many years. I believed God loved me and that it was possible to have a close intimate relationship with him, but it hasn’t been until the past few years that I would say I have faith in that fact. There was a time when my belief system was very confused and I was struggling in my relationship with the Lord. My security was based on a belief system that revolved around what I did for him. If I felt I was performing up to standards, then I felt confident. However, if I was struggling to meet a set of self-imposed expectations or laws, then I was fearful and unsure of my relationship with him. Thinking in those legalistic terms, does not allow faith to grow. I remained in belief, but was never able to take that step.
Do I have all the answers? No. But, my faith is stronger and more solid than it has ever been. I believe it’s because when everything I loved and put my trust in was removed, I had to make a decision to move from a time of belief in God to faith in Him to rescue me. As I lay awake in bed for months and months fearing different life scenarios, I lived in a state of constant fear and anxiety. I believed God could help me, I wanted him to, but when he wasn’t answering my prayers the way I expected him to, I remained in a state of anxiousness. And then something amazing happened, He began showing me that even if my greatest fears were realized; his grace was there to help me in my time of need. As events unfolded, and I continued to see his hand moving, I became more and more confident, and there was a shift in my heart. I began to have a different type of personal encounter with Jesus. He was rescuing me and what I expected or wanted from him changed…and obeying him and allowing his sovereignty to reign in my heart became the issue and not all of my life circumstances.
Over and over I kept seeing his obvious hand in my life, my faith got stronger and I became confident, not in my works or in my desired outcome, but in God’s grace and unconditional love for me. I moved from belief to faith.
Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
“Faith can only come through a direct, firsthand encounter with Jesus. Belief can come through secondhand information, but belief is not faith.”
I’ve been sitting here dwelling on this statement and applying it to my life to see if it rings true, and it does for me. I had what I would label very strong beliefs for many, many years. I believed God loved me and that it was possible to have a close intimate relationship with him, but it hasn’t been until the past few years that I would say I have faith in that fact. There was a time when my belief system was very confused and I was struggling in my relationship with the Lord. My security was based on a belief system that revolved around what I did for him. If I felt I was performing up to standards, then I felt confident. However, if I was struggling to meet a set of self-imposed expectations or laws, then I was fearful and unsure of my relationship with him. Thinking in those legalistic terms, does not allow faith to grow. I remained in belief, but was never able to take that step.
Do I have all the answers? No. But, my faith is stronger and more solid than it has ever been. I believe it’s because when everything I loved and put my trust in was removed, I had to make a decision to move from a time of belief in God to faith in Him to rescue me. As I lay awake in bed for months and months fearing different life scenarios, I lived in a state of constant fear and anxiety. I believed God could help me, I wanted him to, but when he wasn’t answering my prayers the way I expected him to, I remained in a state of anxiousness. And then something amazing happened, He began showing me that even if my greatest fears were realized; his grace was there to help me in my time of need. As events unfolded, and I continued to see his hand moving, I became more and more confident, and there was a shift in my heart. I began to have a different type of personal encounter with Jesus. He was rescuing me and what I expected or wanted from him changed…and obeying him and allowing his sovereignty to reign in my heart became the issue and not all of my life circumstances.
Over and over I kept seeing his obvious hand in my life, my faith got stronger and I became confident, not in my works or in my desired outcome, but in God’s grace and unconditional love for me. I moved from belief to faith.
Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Standing Firm
The loud crash of thunder shook my bed and rattled the windows of the house! It was 4:45 a.m. and I was wide awake, my heart beating fast and full of fear. I was waiting for something else – only I didn’t know what. I only had 30 minutes left to sleep anyway, so I lay there half sleeping, half awake – and then fully awake once my mind became engaged.
That early morning experience is parallel to how I live at times. I’m doing fine, living life and then something happens, whether it’s big or small, that jars me awake out of my normal routine or emotions and sends me into turmoil. I remember in college after my friend died, every time I would hear her favorite song on the radio I would burst into tears. After my husband left me it seemed like I was continually running into people we both knew who, not knowing, would ask me how he was doing, or all of a sudden there were a lot of sermons about marriage at church. I felt attacked, my emotions already raw, I was very susceptible to being wounded again.
Times when I’ve felt particularly vulnerable, I have reached for the sanctuary in Ephesians 6:10-18.
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
One of the aspects of this verse that I cling to the most during those times of pain are two small words at the end of verse 13 – “to stand”. There have been times when all I could do was just stand. There was no gain, no moving forward, I was simply holding my ground; I was standing. Looking back, I see that when I’ve been in particularly difficult circumstances and I remained standing and didn’t buckle or fall, I grew. Standing firm can be growth when it takes strength and determination.
I wrote this poem a year ago when I was feeling particularly attacked. It fits well with this idea of attack, fear and the decision to stand.
I feel loss
From every angle
And with each
Beat of my heart
It seems that each time I progress
And a small healing occurs
Something else rips the bandage
From my soul
Reopening the wound
I stand here
Bleeding
Weeping
Contemplating my future
Considering the strength it will take
To continue to move forward
And so I decide to
Simply stand
I look back now and see how that daily decision to put on God’s armor and remain standing has given me peace and a measure of joy that I didn’t believe was possible, even with storms that come in the middle of the night.
That early morning experience is parallel to how I live at times. I’m doing fine, living life and then something happens, whether it’s big or small, that jars me awake out of my normal routine or emotions and sends me into turmoil. I remember in college after my friend died, every time I would hear her favorite song on the radio I would burst into tears. After my husband left me it seemed like I was continually running into people we both knew who, not knowing, would ask me how he was doing, or all of a sudden there were a lot of sermons about marriage at church. I felt attacked, my emotions already raw, I was very susceptible to being wounded again.
Times when I’ve felt particularly vulnerable, I have reached for the sanctuary in Ephesians 6:10-18.
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
One of the aspects of this verse that I cling to the most during those times of pain are two small words at the end of verse 13 – “to stand”. There have been times when all I could do was just stand. There was no gain, no moving forward, I was simply holding my ground; I was standing. Looking back, I see that when I’ve been in particularly difficult circumstances and I remained standing and didn’t buckle or fall, I grew. Standing firm can be growth when it takes strength and determination.
I wrote this poem a year ago when I was feeling particularly attacked. It fits well with this idea of attack, fear and the decision to stand.
I feel loss
From every angle
And with each
Beat of my heart
It seems that each time I progress
And a small healing occurs
Something else rips the bandage
From my soul
Reopening the wound
I stand here
Bleeding
Weeping
Contemplating my future
Considering the strength it will take
To continue to move forward
And so I decide to
Simply stand
I look back now and see how that daily decision to put on God’s armor and remain standing has given me peace and a measure of joy that I didn’t believe was possible, even with storms that come in the middle of the night.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Walking In The Vineyard
All these years I’ve spent in the vineyard
And yet, have I ever really looked
Into the eyes of the Vinedresser?
He has looked at my fruit
Dreaming of a harvest
He hasn’t yanked me from the ground
He has lovingly – yet firmly
Rubbed His hands with tender care
To smooth my branches clean.
And all that time
Believing in the harvest to come
Dreaming for me
And my whole existence has been for what purpose?
To bear fruit for a Vinedresser
Whose eyes I’ve yet to meet?
I have only seen myself muddied
And producing
An occasional bunch of grapes
And so for me – a change
To meet the eyes of the Vinedresser
To bask in His care
To walk by His side
Through the mist
Every morning
Each day
In the Vineyard
I wrote this poem years ago when I was in the midst of a time of immense change in my relationship with God. I had become very performance oriented in my walk with the Lord and desired to become more intimate and authentic. I love this poem because as I wrote it I was visualizing a walk with God through a vineyard having an intimate conversation. It was written more out of a desire to have that intimacy than actually experiencing it at that time.
I came to a realization that the very essence of a close and intimate relationship with God could be characterized by the very same things that marked my relationships with my close friends. Walking together, sharing my heart, dreams and failures, or quietly sitting and listening. Having a relationship with God wasn’t about what I could do for him; it was about who I was and how I interacted with His will and the truth that I saw in his Word. It was a big shift in my thinking, and it’s something I am still constantly aware of. I long for relationship and not a list to check off to show my worthiness.
I love John 15 and studying that chapter, as well as reading a book called “Secrets of the Vine” by Bruce Wilkinson, it helped me to retool my thinking. Verses 1-9 discuss vine and branches and their unique correlation with one another and also the gardener who cares for them. Their cohesiveness depends upon remaining together – which relates to nearness, familiarity or what I would describe as intimacy.
In the second part of John 15 an amazing concept is revealed to the disciples – friendship with their Lord and Teacher and ultimately, God. Jesus says to them in John 15:15, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” This is a time near to Jesus’ death. He is trying to share some important concepts with these men who hold his ministry in their hands; the concept of intimate friendship. He was offering friendship with God in the flesh. They had been with Jesus for years and had seen him perform miracles, pray to God as Abba instead of Yahweh and basically silence the mouths of the Pharisees. I think it’s interesting that one of the important concepts he shares with the disciples near the end of his life is that of intimate friendship. Jesus equates knowing his “business” as companionship. I don’t think this just implies that Jesus has shared only his plans with them, but his heart along the way. That is what closeness involves, a sharing of heart and soul; and it is one of the differences between a friend and an acquaintance. An acquaintance knows you, and has possibly known you for years. But a friend knows what makes you tick, what you love, what drives you crazy or fills your heart with emotion. We can know God in the same intimate way. He wanted the disciples to transfer the intimate friendship they had experienced with him to that of God the Father as well.
My friends have helped me through several very hard times, emotionally and spiritually. I don’t know what I would have done without my closest friends at a time when it felt as if the world was falling out from underneath me. I can honestly say that I desperately needed them, and they made a seemingly unbearable situation bearable. But I didn’t call them in the middle of the night when I was awake and crying on my pillow. I prayed, and talked to my Father, who knew exactly how I felt. He was there, every single minute and situation through the entire ordeal. My Lord was ever-present and aware of my circumstances. I found that genuinely comforting, more so than I ever imagined I could.
It was during that time of uncertainty that I felt the shift occur and my bonds of intimacy with God develop in a stronger way than I ever imagined it could. I felt his presence with me then, and it has grown and deepened since. I long for the daily walks with him through the Vineyard now, and am thankful that I embarked on that journey years ago to go deeper.
And yet, have I ever really looked
Into the eyes of the Vinedresser?
He has looked at my fruit
Dreaming of a harvest
He hasn’t yanked me from the ground
He has lovingly – yet firmly
Rubbed His hands with tender care
To smooth my branches clean.
And all that time
Believing in the harvest to come
Dreaming for me
And my whole existence has been for what purpose?
To bear fruit for a Vinedresser
Whose eyes I’ve yet to meet?
I have only seen myself muddied
And producing
An occasional bunch of grapes
And so for me – a change
To meet the eyes of the Vinedresser
To bask in His care
To walk by His side
Through the mist
Every morning
Each day
In the Vineyard
I wrote this poem years ago when I was in the midst of a time of immense change in my relationship with God. I had become very performance oriented in my walk with the Lord and desired to become more intimate and authentic. I love this poem because as I wrote it I was visualizing a walk with God through a vineyard having an intimate conversation. It was written more out of a desire to have that intimacy than actually experiencing it at that time.
I came to a realization that the very essence of a close and intimate relationship with God could be characterized by the very same things that marked my relationships with my close friends. Walking together, sharing my heart, dreams and failures, or quietly sitting and listening. Having a relationship with God wasn’t about what I could do for him; it was about who I was and how I interacted with His will and the truth that I saw in his Word. It was a big shift in my thinking, and it’s something I am still constantly aware of. I long for relationship and not a list to check off to show my worthiness.
I love John 15 and studying that chapter, as well as reading a book called “Secrets of the Vine” by Bruce Wilkinson, it helped me to retool my thinking. Verses 1-9 discuss vine and branches and their unique correlation with one another and also the gardener who cares for them. Their cohesiveness depends upon remaining together – which relates to nearness, familiarity or what I would describe as intimacy.
In the second part of John 15 an amazing concept is revealed to the disciples – friendship with their Lord and Teacher and ultimately, God. Jesus says to them in John 15:15, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” This is a time near to Jesus’ death. He is trying to share some important concepts with these men who hold his ministry in their hands; the concept of intimate friendship. He was offering friendship with God in the flesh. They had been with Jesus for years and had seen him perform miracles, pray to God as Abba instead of Yahweh and basically silence the mouths of the Pharisees. I think it’s interesting that one of the important concepts he shares with the disciples near the end of his life is that of intimate friendship. Jesus equates knowing his “business” as companionship. I don’t think this just implies that Jesus has shared only his plans with them, but his heart along the way. That is what closeness involves, a sharing of heart and soul; and it is one of the differences between a friend and an acquaintance. An acquaintance knows you, and has possibly known you for years. But a friend knows what makes you tick, what you love, what drives you crazy or fills your heart with emotion. We can know God in the same intimate way. He wanted the disciples to transfer the intimate friendship they had experienced with him to that of God the Father as well.
My friends have helped me through several very hard times, emotionally and spiritually. I don’t know what I would have done without my closest friends at a time when it felt as if the world was falling out from underneath me. I can honestly say that I desperately needed them, and they made a seemingly unbearable situation bearable. But I didn’t call them in the middle of the night when I was awake and crying on my pillow. I prayed, and talked to my Father, who knew exactly how I felt. He was there, every single minute and situation through the entire ordeal. My Lord was ever-present and aware of my circumstances. I found that genuinely comforting, more so than I ever imagined I could.
It was during that time of uncertainty that I felt the shift occur and my bonds of intimacy with God develop in a stronger way than I ever imagined it could. I felt his presence with me then, and it has grown and deepened since. I long for the daily walks with him through the Vineyard now, and am thankful that I embarked on that journey years ago to go deeper.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The Ultimate Reunion
Take a moment and think about one of your most memorable reunions. Before you read any further, grab that memory and let your mind go back in time. Do you feel your heart swell and perhaps your eyes water a little remembering it?
I have one that stands out in my mind. I had been very close friends with a woman for about 7 years when we had a big disagreement. The disagreement itself is irrelevant for the sake of this blog, but I can tell you that I was the one who actually made the decision to sever our relationship. It broke my heart and we didn’t speak and had very little contact for almost five years. Then one day, moved by something I read, and, I believe, the Holy Spirit, there was realization that by withdrawing my friendship, I had sinned against my friend and lost what was a very deep and meaningful relationship. I called her up to apologize and she graciously extended forgiveness to me right there in that moment. The subsequent conversations we had the following days and weeks lead us to meet in Nashville – a mid-point between the cities where we each lived. I got there at the meeting spot before my friend and nervously waited for her. She arrived. I remember hugging, crying and laughing all at once in the middle of the parking lot. It was an amazing reunion! My eyes are filling with tears right now just recalling that day.
Have you thought about heaven lately? Consider the amazing reunion that is waiting for you there! I think of actually being in the presence of God…it’s hard to fathom that but I try to have some sort of mental picture in my head. I imagine standing in the presence of my Father, whom I’ve loved since I was a teenager, who has literally been through it ALL with me. I have talked with Him, laughed with Him, cried many tears with Him, sung to Him … and at our meeting we will be face to face. I visualize a tender yet wholly embracing hug that seems to erase all the years of hurt and pain of living in this fallen world. I envision looking into his eyes and as a tear rolls down my cheek, his hand wiping it away. Of course this is just my fantasy of what that reunion will be like, but I’m sure it will be beyond anything I can conceive. Knowing I am working toward that moment motivates me to be pure hearted and righteous in every way that I can be.
2 Peter 3:13-14 says, 13But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.
14So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him.
I am tempted to get caught up in the everyday struggles that seem so prevalent in my life; the overwhelming responsibility of raising my girls, being a good friend, excelling at my job…and the list goes on. I have to bring my eyes back to Jesus and to the reunion that awaits me. If I do that, I know the other things will fall into place.
I’m going to sit here for a while this morning, eyes closed, thinking of the gathering that is ahead of me. Then I’m going to get up, with a full heart, and live today as if that reunion were taking place at the end of it.
I have one that stands out in my mind. I had been very close friends with a woman for about 7 years when we had a big disagreement. The disagreement itself is irrelevant for the sake of this blog, but I can tell you that I was the one who actually made the decision to sever our relationship. It broke my heart and we didn’t speak and had very little contact for almost five years. Then one day, moved by something I read, and, I believe, the Holy Spirit, there was realization that by withdrawing my friendship, I had sinned against my friend and lost what was a very deep and meaningful relationship. I called her up to apologize and she graciously extended forgiveness to me right there in that moment. The subsequent conversations we had the following days and weeks lead us to meet in Nashville – a mid-point between the cities where we each lived. I got there at the meeting spot before my friend and nervously waited for her. She arrived. I remember hugging, crying and laughing all at once in the middle of the parking lot. It was an amazing reunion! My eyes are filling with tears right now just recalling that day.
Have you thought about heaven lately? Consider the amazing reunion that is waiting for you there! I think of actually being in the presence of God…it’s hard to fathom that but I try to have some sort of mental picture in my head. I imagine standing in the presence of my Father, whom I’ve loved since I was a teenager, who has literally been through it ALL with me. I have talked with Him, laughed with Him, cried many tears with Him, sung to Him … and at our meeting we will be face to face. I visualize a tender yet wholly embracing hug that seems to erase all the years of hurt and pain of living in this fallen world. I envision looking into his eyes and as a tear rolls down my cheek, his hand wiping it away. Of course this is just my fantasy of what that reunion will be like, but I’m sure it will be beyond anything I can conceive. Knowing I am working toward that moment motivates me to be pure hearted and righteous in every way that I can be.
2 Peter 3:13-14 says, 13But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.
14So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him.
I am tempted to get caught up in the everyday struggles that seem so prevalent in my life; the overwhelming responsibility of raising my girls, being a good friend, excelling at my job…and the list goes on. I have to bring my eyes back to Jesus and to the reunion that awaits me. If I do that, I know the other things will fall into place.
I’m going to sit here for a while this morning, eyes closed, thinking of the gathering that is ahead of me. Then I’m going to get up, with a full heart, and live today as if that reunion were taking place at the end of it.
Friday, January 8, 2010
As God Sees Me
Anorexia is a terrible disease that is characterized by a distorted view of oneself. An anorexic looks in the mirror and sees someone overweight or unacceptable and the rest of us looking at that same person see an individual who is starving themselves to death, completely stunned at their inability to see what they really look like. The real cure for this disease isn’t physical, it’s psychological – a complete change in the way your view yourself. I’m certainly no expert on anorexia, but it seems that the real battle would be figuring out what causes you to have such a distorted view.
I don’t know if you ever struggle with your self esteem at all; I’d like to say that I don’t, but it would be a lie. Insecurity is something that I battle constantly – I think it’s safe to call it a daily struggle. When I look in a mirror or even introspectively, I do not see what everyone else sees, but a faint vision of what is true. There is a parallel here with being anorexic and how I have learned to erroneously view myself. I’ve been searching within to figure out where my distorted self view comes from and I am definitely making progress. This verse is one of many helping me to reform my thinking:
Psalm 139: 13-16
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Here is the amazing news: God created me exactly how I am. He gave my personality its tendencies, he knew I’d be this height and weight and the color of my eyes. He knit me together it says…there was thought given to my life in every way. Not only did he know my date of birth but he knows the exact day and hour of my final breath.
I recently took a personality profile. It was enlightening and actually pretty entertaining to read the answers it provided. It pegged me pretty well. As I studied the results I considered the fact that God himself chose my attributes. I don’t know why he gave me certain characteristics. Who knows why an artist chooses the coloring and emotion that go into each piece of art he creates – only the artist himself knows what he is creating. I can spend time lamenting over my lack of perceived beauty, intelligence or talent, but God my Father has fashioned me uniquely for the purpose of bringing him glory with these specific characteristics. My “job”, so to speak, is to do the best I can with the talents and attributes that he chose to give me. Perhaps when I am in heaven I will finally understand why he created me with my physical and emotional make up the way it is. While I’m here though, I long to see myself as God sees me and set about using who I am for His glory.
I don’t know if you ever struggle with your self esteem at all; I’d like to say that I don’t, but it would be a lie. Insecurity is something that I battle constantly – I think it’s safe to call it a daily struggle. When I look in a mirror or even introspectively, I do not see what everyone else sees, but a faint vision of what is true. There is a parallel here with being anorexic and how I have learned to erroneously view myself. I’ve been searching within to figure out where my distorted self view comes from and I am definitely making progress. This verse is one of many helping me to reform my thinking:
Psalm 139: 13-16
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Here is the amazing news: God created me exactly how I am. He gave my personality its tendencies, he knew I’d be this height and weight and the color of my eyes. He knit me together it says…there was thought given to my life in every way. Not only did he know my date of birth but he knows the exact day and hour of my final breath.
I recently took a personality profile. It was enlightening and actually pretty entertaining to read the answers it provided. It pegged me pretty well. As I studied the results I considered the fact that God himself chose my attributes. I don’t know why he gave me certain characteristics. Who knows why an artist chooses the coloring and emotion that go into each piece of art he creates – only the artist himself knows what he is creating. I can spend time lamenting over my lack of perceived beauty, intelligence or talent, but God my Father has fashioned me uniquely for the purpose of bringing him glory with these specific characteristics. My “job”, so to speak, is to do the best I can with the talents and attributes that he chose to give me. Perhaps when I am in heaven I will finally understand why he created me with my physical and emotional make up the way it is. While I’m here though, I long to see myself as God sees me and set about using who I am for His glory.
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