I’m spending a quiet morning on my porch watching the world wake up from a violent night. It was storming last night; the wind howled and the rain was pelting against the side of the house. I woke and noticed right away that it was quiet…the calm after the storm. The first thing I saw when I walked out my front door was my favorite tree. It is beautiful – standing tall in the middle of my front yard. It weathered the storm well – with only a few dead branches on the ground below. Its roots go deep, which enables it to stand tall and solid.
Matthew 7:24-27 says, 24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
When I was reading these verses in Matthew 7 the similarity to the tree struck me. When the roots go deep, or we have the right foundation, we can weather the most difficult of life’s storms. Sure, there may be some loose or weakened branches that break free and fall to the ground – the storms of life shake us up. Storms show weakness, but once that frailty is exposed, and the dead is taken away, there is the opportunity for sprouting new growth and strength. I know so many people who have faced adversity, and by clinging to Jesus during that storm, have grown stronger and deeper roots because of it.
Everyone has a different story. We all face hard times – every single one of us. I think what defines us as a person is the way we endure it. I walked out the door this morning, looked at my tree and noticed right away that it stood strong and majestic, not battered and broken. The legacy that we leave, as Christians, isn’t how we stood during the easy and good times, but what we did when it was tough. How deep were our roots, what did we cling to and what was our attitude like in the clean up after the storm.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
One Thing
I love studying different aspects of David’s life. There are so many things about him that intrigue me and that I enjoy thinking about. I feel a kinship with him because he was so flawed. On the one hand he loved God so desperately and passionately and on the other hand he sinned so grievously and openly. I am drawn to his love and devotion to his friend Jonathan, his desire to be righteous and his tremendous courage. But primarily I am drawn to his desire to please and cherish God above all else.
I know that David often prayed, asking God for any myriad of things. We have record of many of his prayers in the Psalms and throughout the Old Testament, but I do believe that his over-riding prayer is summarized in verse 4 of Psalm 27, which says,
“One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.”
His main heart’s ambition was to walk with the Lord. That’s it. I wish I knew how old he was when he wrote this Psalm in particular, but if I had to guess I’ll bet it wasn’t when he was 15 and a young shepherd boy. I’ll bet it was after he had lived a little, lost a few things that were important to him, seen dreams come true and dreams fade.
I love being in my 40s. They have been the most chaotic time of my life and yet the best too. I have seen enough good and bad to realize that there are only a few things that really matter and only one that ultimately matters. I was a Christian in my 20s but I still had all these other dreams and hopes that battled my heart for first place. I wanted to do the right things but often my soul’s longing was easily misplaced and sidetracked. I still have dreams and hopes – I believe God wants me to have them, but I want David’s heart in my longings, to yearn for the Lord and to gaze upon His beauty above all things.
Today’s question is simple. What would it take for you to be happy? What is your One thing?
I know that David often prayed, asking God for any myriad of things. We have record of many of his prayers in the Psalms and throughout the Old Testament, but I do believe that his over-riding prayer is summarized in verse 4 of Psalm 27, which says,
“One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.”
His main heart’s ambition was to walk with the Lord. That’s it. I wish I knew how old he was when he wrote this Psalm in particular, but if I had to guess I’ll bet it wasn’t when he was 15 and a young shepherd boy. I’ll bet it was after he had lived a little, lost a few things that were important to him, seen dreams come true and dreams fade.
I love being in my 40s. They have been the most chaotic time of my life and yet the best too. I have seen enough good and bad to realize that there are only a few things that really matter and only one that ultimately matters. I was a Christian in my 20s but I still had all these other dreams and hopes that battled my heart for first place. I wanted to do the right things but often my soul’s longing was easily misplaced and sidetracked. I still have dreams and hopes – I believe God wants me to have them, but I want David’s heart in my longings, to yearn for the Lord and to gaze upon His beauty above all things.
Today’s question is simple. What would it take for you to be happy? What is your One thing?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Entering The Chrysalis
I was reading a book yesterday and the author was talking about her mid-life crisis and how she likened her gradual spiritual enlightening to that of a caterpillar entering the chrysalis and exiting as a beautiful butterfly. I loved the analogy and haven’t been able to get it off my mind ever since. I don’t think it takes a mid-life crisis to be able to relate to this analogy it just takes the desire to be like Jesus and willingly accept the heart makeover that is a necessary element of that journey.
2 Corinthians 3:18 says, 18”And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”
I think it’s a misnomer to believe that every Christian will desire to continually undergo heart renovation. However, for those that have a longing to have the heart of Christ, this verse has two keys to that transformation. The first is an unveiled face – or open heart. You have to be willing to continually challenge your way of thinking. The caterpillar has to be willing to build the chrysalis that will entomb it enduring the hard work of transformation into a beautiful butterfly.
There is another aspect of 1 Corinthians 3:18 that stands out to me. According to this verse, the change “comes from the Lord”. That is huge. Yes it takes a decision on our part to enter into the chrysalis, so to speak, but once there it’s the Lord’s work, not ours. We cannot make ourselves righteous – our own effort isn’t enough. We must allow God’s Spirit to lead us through whatever trial or situation necessary and allow that process to take whatever time is needed. The caterpillar doesn’t remain in his cocoon for only a day; it takes a season to conclude its metamorphosis. We wait for God to act and in his timeframe, the beautiful transformed heart emerges.
I distinctly remember my time of entering the chrysalis as I maneuvered my way through life single again, parenting two children. My time of waiting definitely wasn’t passive as I was experiencing change in almost every single area of my life, but I had given up trying to control or figure out what to “do”; nothing I had worked hard to preserve had been salvaged. Instead I lived my life on a day to day basis the best I could, and let my circumstances rise or fall around me. The constants in my life were my relationship with God, my children, and a few of my friends, but everything else was different. My time of waiting lasted approximately two years. I didn’t poke my head out of the chrysalis on a specific date like the beautiful butterfly; one day I just realized that I was flying and not crawling and happy instead of numb. The butterfly had emerged and I was different and God had changed me. The most important decision I made during that time was to open my heart and let God use my life and situation for his glory. I believe that is all you can do as you wait.
As I enter the chrysalis
The agonizing wait begins
The crucible of spiritual transformation
Lies in the offering of
A fully engaged heart
There is agony in conversion
Knowing even as I enter
That I must be willing to change
Completely
For if a true revolution occurs
I will be unrecognizable
To all who once knew me
Sometime later
I see life through different eyes
And a renewed heart
I emerge from the chrysalis
With stunning color and breadth of wing
Now able to soar
2 Corinthians 3:18 says, 18”And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”
I think it’s a misnomer to believe that every Christian will desire to continually undergo heart renovation. However, for those that have a longing to have the heart of Christ, this verse has two keys to that transformation. The first is an unveiled face – or open heart. You have to be willing to continually challenge your way of thinking. The caterpillar has to be willing to build the chrysalis that will entomb it enduring the hard work of transformation into a beautiful butterfly.
There is another aspect of 1 Corinthians 3:18 that stands out to me. According to this verse, the change “comes from the Lord”. That is huge. Yes it takes a decision on our part to enter into the chrysalis, so to speak, but once there it’s the Lord’s work, not ours. We cannot make ourselves righteous – our own effort isn’t enough. We must allow God’s Spirit to lead us through whatever trial or situation necessary and allow that process to take whatever time is needed. The caterpillar doesn’t remain in his cocoon for only a day; it takes a season to conclude its metamorphosis. We wait for God to act and in his timeframe, the beautiful transformed heart emerges.
I distinctly remember my time of entering the chrysalis as I maneuvered my way through life single again, parenting two children. My time of waiting definitely wasn’t passive as I was experiencing change in almost every single area of my life, but I had given up trying to control or figure out what to “do”; nothing I had worked hard to preserve had been salvaged. Instead I lived my life on a day to day basis the best I could, and let my circumstances rise or fall around me. The constants in my life were my relationship with God, my children, and a few of my friends, but everything else was different. My time of waiting lasted approximately two years. I didn’t poke my head out of the chrysalis on a specific date like the beautiful butterfly; one day I just realized that I was flying and not crawling and happy instead of numb. The butterfly had emerged and I was different and God had changed me. The most important decision I made during that time was to open my heart and let God use my life and situation for his glory. I believe that is all you can do as you wait.
As I enter the chrysalis
The agonizing wait begins
The crucible of spiritual transformation
Lies in the offering of
A fully engaged heart
There is agony in conversion
Knowing even as I enter
That I must be willing to change
Completely
For if a true revolution occurs
I will be unrecognizable
To all who once knew me
Sometime later
I see life through different eyes
And a renewed heart
I emerge from the chrysalis
With stunning color and breadth of wing
Now able to soar
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The Pain In Waiting
Last evening I was speaking with a dear friend of mine. She’s in the midst of a divorce and was sharing with me that she seems to cycle through a time every few weeks when she feels heavy and depressed. We talked a few minutes about grieving and how normal it is to feel that cyclical pull towards sadness. I was talking to her today and shared the story of Lazarus in John chapter 11. I read it for years, and while I thought I understood the teaching, I think now I comprehend it in a deeper and more authentic way. It’s the story of trusting God and being willing to be used in any way to bring him the ultimate glory. In order for this to occur, however, there can be significant pain for his followers. That was true with Lazarus’ death and those who mourned him and it’s true in our lives as well. We WILL feel pain and God allows that and, although I believe feels compassion for us, he knows that the outcome (his praise) is worth the pain we may suffer.
Look at some excerpts from John 11.
1Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. 3So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."
4When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." 5Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.
7Then he said to his disciples, "Let us go back to Judea."
11After he had said this, he went on to tell them, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up."
12His disciples replied, "Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better." 13Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
14So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, 15and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him."
17On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18Bethany was less than two miles[a] from Jerusalem, 19and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
21"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask."
23Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."
32When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34"Where have you laid him?" he asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.
35Jesus wept.
Jesus could have stopped Lazarus from dying. He could have alleviated the tears of Mary and Martha and all the people of the village who were also mourning Lazarus’ death. There is no question that Jesus could have either come earlier or spoken a word from where he was and Lazarus wouldn’t have died. But Jesus chose to stay for a few more days. Sometimes we don’t understand the ways of God, and may never.
I’ve been thinking a lot the past couple of years about waiting on God. I believe one of the reasons God calls us to wait is for our own character and growth. When I was considering that however, I didn’t dwell on an aspect which is crucial...God knows we will often suffer during our waiting, but he is willing to let us suffer. I had to wrestle with that because it seemed contrary to a loving Father. My conclusion though is that God allows the pain because refining is painful. It doesn’t mean that he isn’t compassionate toward us in that pain.
Right now, my friend is hurting and more than likely she will experience emotional pain for some time yet. But, if she allows that sorrow to mold her heart, turning to the Healer, then the character that she gains will highlight God’s magnificence and will be worth whatever pain she experienced. I believe that is the story of Lazarus.
Look at some excerpts from John 11.
1Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. 3So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."
4When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." 5Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.
7Then he said to his disciples, "Let us go back to Judea."
11After he had said this, he went on to tell them, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up."
12His disciples replied, "Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better." 13Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
14So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, 15and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him."
17On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18Bethany was less than two miles[a] from Jerusalem, 19and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
21"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask."
23Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."
32When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34"Where have you laid him?" he asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.
35Jesus wept.
Jesus could have stopped Lazarus from dying. He could have alleviated the tears of Mary and Martha and all the people of the village who were also mourning Lazarus’ death. There is no question that Jesus could have either come earlier or spoken a word from where he was and Lazarus wouldn’t have died. But Jesus chose to stay for a few more days. Sometimes we don’t understand the ways of God, and may never.
I’ve been thinking a lot the past couple of years about waiting on God. I believe one of the reasons God calls us to wait is for our own character and growth. When I was considering that however, I didn’t dwell on an aspect which is crucial...God knows we will often suffer during our waiting, but he is willing to let us suffer. I had to wrestle with that because it seemed contrary to a loving Father. My conclusion though is that God allows the pain because refining is painful. It doesn’t mean that he isn’t compassionate toward us in that pain.
Right now, my friend is hurting and more than likely she will experience emotional pain for some time yet. But, if she allows that sorrow to mold her heart, turning to the Healer, then the character that she gains will highlight God’s magnificence and will be worth whatever pain she experienced. I believe that is the story of Lazarus.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The List
Today I am overwhelmed with thankfulness. I haven’t won the lottery, a trip to Hawaii or been offered something other than my minivan to drive. I’ve had a couple of quiet hours to sit here on my porch to read and pray and realize how very fortunate I am. I have a wonderful house to live in, a good job, amazing friends, a loving family and the list goes on and on. Yes, there are some hard things too – but that makes me normal. Everyone has difficult things to deal with at some point in their lives. One of the keys for me has simply been to recognize that even when I was at a low point, God still cared for me in so many ways.
When I was in the midst of a particularly difficult few months, my best friend and I would exchange emails listing the top 10 things we were grateful for that day. It helped me to keep things in perspective. Yes life was hard, I was emotionally drained and the drama seemed to drag on forever. But, when I took a few minutes to be grateful for all the many things that were good and ways I was blessed, my heart softened and I felt thankful. The list kept me grateful.
I love Psalm 16 because it’s about taking refuge in God and his loving care. I am particularly drawn to verse 6. In the midst of my sadness I didn’t feel as though I had landed in a good place, but now looking back I see that all along God had his protective hands around me, guiding me to just the right spot emotionally, physically and spiritually. Indeed, my boundaries have fallen in very pleasant places.
Psalm 16
1 Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
3 As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. [b]
4 The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, [c]
nor will you let your Holy One [d] see decay.
11 You have made [e] known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Life is hard!! There seems to be loss at every turn – job loss, the death of a loved one, an empty nest, a divorce, or an estranged relationship or ___________ (fill in the blank). Difficulties come in so many forms. Take a few minutes next time you are in the midst of personal crisis and make a list of the top 10 things you are grateful for – it may change your perspective a bit. Here is my list today.
1. Time to be still this morning
2. A beautiful day
3. The sound of wind chimes
4. A phone call with my best friend
5. Happy children
6. A vehicle that is paid off
7. Reconnecting with old friends
8. Pretty flowers on my porch
9. An upcoming vacation to the beach
10. The view from my porch
When I was in the midst of a particularly difficult few months, my best friend and I would exchange emails listing the top 10 things we were grateful for that day. It helped me to keep things in perspective. Yes life was hard, I was emotionally drained and the drama seemed to drag on forever. But, when I took a few minutes to be grateful for all the many things that were good and ways I was blessed, my heart softened and I felt thankful. The list kept me grateful.
I love Psalm 16 because it’s about taking refuge in God and his loving care. I am particularly drawn to verse 6. In the midst of my sadness I didn’t feel as though I had landed in a good place, but now looking back I see that all along God had his protective hands around me, guiding me to just the right spot emotionally, physically and spiritually. Indeed, my boundaries have fallen in very pleasant places.
Psalm 16
1 Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
3 As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. [b]
4 The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, [c]
nor will you let your Holy One [d] see decay.
11 You have made [e] known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Life is hard!! There seems to be loss at every turn – job loss, the death of a loved one, an empty nest, a divorce, or an estranged relationship or ___________ (fill in the blank). Difficulties come in so many forms. Take a few minutes next time you are in the midst of personal crisis and make a list of the top 10 things you are grateful for – it may change your perspective a bit. Here is my list today.
1. Time to be still this morning
2. A beautiful day
3. The sound of wind chimes
4. A phone call with my best friend
5. Happy children
6. A vehicle that is paid off
7. Reconnecting with old friends
8. Pretty flowers on my porch
9. An upcoming vacation to the beach
10. The view from my porch
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Be Still
There is a big party going on at the neighbor’s house down the hill. I can hear the sounds of laughter and fun in the air. I’ll probably venture down later on to be social and see some old friends, but right now the silence feels like an old sweatshirt – cozy and comfortable – and I can’t bear to pull myself away from the sanctuary that my porch provides. I need time alone today to recharge my heart and connect with the Lord. More and more often I long for time to be still; whether I’m reading, journaling, praying or simply sitting on my porch listening to the birds. I need that time to process what goes on in my day to day life and to let my soul recharge.
Jesus understood the need to be alone as well. In John 6 we read that Jesus spent part of the day teaching a large crowd of people and then, not wanting to turn them away hungry, he fed five thousand. After spending time giving to the people, it says in John 6:15, “Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.” He needed time alone, time with his Father and a chance to be renewed. In the next verse it mentions that later that evening, he met up with the disciples. We don’t know exactly how long he was off by himself, but the impression I get is that it was a good chunk of time – perhaps even a few hours. Jesus took time to be alone other times as well, leaving the disciples or getting up early to find time to be on his own. Even Jesus, the perfect Son of God, needed time alone and with his Father in order to be spiritually whole and refreshed.
Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I am learning to be still and in my times of quiet I have realized that in stillness there is the possibility of depth. Without quiet, or time for introspection and listening, relationship can become distorted, performance oriented and shallow. This is true in our relationships with one another (there has to be time to talk, connect and listen to each other), and also in our relationship with God. My most moving and intimate time with the Lord is when I have a day or so alone and I’m able to pray, sit quietly, or simply take time to write for long periods of time. That is my form of worship. That is what connects me to Him, and helps me to grasp who He actually is. I long to give my heart the opportunity to grow and become mature by embracing solitude.
I can still hear voices and laughter drifting up the hill. Perhaps later on I’ll go down the hill and say hi, but for now I’m content to be here alone and enjoy the stillness.
Jesus understood the need to be alone as well. In John 6 we read that Jesus spent part of the day teaching a large crowd of people and then, not wanting to turn them away hungry, he fed five thousand. After spending time giving to the people, it says in John 6:15, “Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.” He needed time alone, time with his Father and a chance to be renewed. In the next verse it mentions that later that evening, he met up with the disciples. We don’t know exactly how long he was off by himself, but the impression I get is that it was a good chunk of time – perhaps even a few hours. Jesus took time to be alone other times as well, leaving the disciples or getting up early to find time to be on his own. Even Jesus, the perfect Son of God, needed time alone and with his Father in order to be spiritually whole and refreshed.
Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I am learning to be still and in my times of quiet I have realized that in stillness there is the possibility of depth. Without quiet, or time for introspection and listening, relationship can become distorted, performance oriented and shallow. This is true in our relationships with one another (there has to be time to talk, connect and listen to each other), and also in our relationship with God. My most moving and intimate time with the Lord is when I have a day or so alone and I’m able to pray, sit quietly, or simply take time to write for long periods of time. That is my form of worship. That is what connects me to Him, and helps me to grasp who He actually is. I long to give my heart the opportunity to grow and become mature by embracing solitude.
I can still hear voices and laughter drifting up the hill. Perhaps later on I’ll go down the hill and say hi, but for now I’m content to be here alone and enjoy the stillness.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
The Choice To Forgive
Last week in my personal bible study time, I read about obedience and forgiveness. It was good, and obviously, there is always room to learn about both of those potentially weighty topics. I felt my heart drawn to the passages on obedience more so than that of forgiveness. It’s funny the difference a week can make.
I’ve been exchanging emails with someone who is a struggle for me. It’s not a daily struggle, but things come up and I am hit with a situation or two and it brings back feelings that I know are not good. Overall, I’ve just decided to live my life and let God deal with injustice and the wrongs I may have suffered, but there are times when I am tested. And it doesn’t even take much – a simple comment, email or conversation from them and I find my heart racing, anger rises and that feeling that I have somehow been marginalized once again.
Today I was confronted with my choice to forgive or be bitter. Initially I wanted to be bitter, I really did. I was so angered by an email that really wasn’t that bad, but with tears welling up in my eyes I felt myself battling not just irritation but a deep resentment. I sat there and prayed, talked it through with a friend or two and then came home and sat down to pour over scriptures hoping they would speak to my heart. I know one thing for certain; I do not want to be full of hatred. Sin will lead to my destruction and there is no reward in a heart full of anger or bitterness. That has been a belief I’ve repeated over and over to myself and I’ve continued to cling to it. I’m not where I need to be yet, but these are the scriptures that are helping me today:
Hebrews 12:14
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.
Mark 11:25
25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."[a]
Psalm 9
1 [a]I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders.
2 I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
3 My enemies turn back;
they stumble and perish before you.
4 For you have upheld my right and my cause;
you have sat on your throne, judging righteously.
Read this great quote by Carole E. Smith of the Atlanta Counseling Center:
“We cannot know God fully until we know who we are and what has formed us. We do not go to God despite the sin perpetrated upon us. We go to God because of it, and we must take it to God held in both hands, known by heart and seen with both eyes. That is when we can hand it over. That is when we can forgive our abusers.”
Forgiveness is a process – one decision after another to be righteous. For me, today’s decision is for forgiveness and trust that my Father is my best, holy and only true advocate. He expects and desires me to give this heartache over to him. As he has forgiven me, I have to make that same decision to be gracious at times. And so tonight….a long walk, a heart lifted in prayer and a willingness to stay out there until I can be at peace with it all.
I’ve been exchanging emails with someone who is a struggle for me. It’s not a daily struggle, but things come up and I am hit with a situation or two and it brings back feelings that I know are not good. Overall, I’ve just decided to live my life and let God deal with injustice and the wrongs I may have suffered, but there are times when I am tested. And it doesn’t even take much – a simple comment, email or conversation from them and I find my heart racing, anger rises and that feeling that I have somehow been marginalized once again.
Today I was confronted with my choice to forgive or be bitter. Initially I wanted to be bitter, I really did. I was so angered by an email that really wasn’t that bad, but with tears welling up in my eyes I felt myself battling not just irritation but a deep resentment. I sat there and prayed, talked it through with a friend or two and then came home and sat down to pour over scriptures hoping they would speak to my heart. I know one thing for certain; I do not want to be full of hatred. Sin will lead to my destruction and there is no reward in a heart full of anger or bitterness. That has been a belief I’ve repeated over and over to myself and I’ve continued to cling to it. I’m not where I need to be yet, but these are the scriptures that are helping me today:
Hebrews 12:14
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.
Mark 11:25
25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."[a]
Psalm 9
1 [a]I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders.
2 I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
3 My enemies turn back;
they stumble and perish before you.
4 For you have upheld my right and my cause;
you have sat on your throne, judging righteously.
Read this great quote by Carole E. Smith of the Atlanta Counseling Center:
“We cannot know God fully until we know who we are and what has formed us. We do not go to God despite the sin perpetrated upon us. We go to God because of it, and we must take it to God held in both hands, known by heart and seen with both eyes. That is when we can hand it over. That is when we can forgive our abusers.”
Forgiveness is a process – one decision after another to be righteous. For me, today’s decision is for forgiveness and trust that my Father is my best, holy and only true advocate. He expects and desires me to give this heartache over to him. As he has forgiven me, I have to make that same decision to be gracious at times. And so tonight….a long walk, a heart lifted in prayer and a willingness to stay out there until I can be at peace with it all.
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